Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
operation have a gay friend backfired
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
