The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
