I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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