if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
