She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
