i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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