Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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