WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
