the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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