her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
