..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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