I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
