i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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