"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
