it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
