There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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