i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
