You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
