well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
