I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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