FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
