absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
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