I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
