How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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