The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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