I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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