WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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