just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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