if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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