Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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