i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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