Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
