So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
