My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my poor anus
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
