Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
