I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
