I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
