i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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