Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
