Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
