we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
