I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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