i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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