oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
