i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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