Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
