Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
