never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize