Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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