cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
