i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
